June 11, 2012
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Living With Fear
I tend to not be an anxious person, for the most part. Other than my career, I have a pretty laid back personality that lets chips fall where they may. I am not a worrier, I rarely lose sleep over problems and stress. The main exception is where my kids are concerned, and that is a parent’s plight, I think.
My daughter is the opposite. She worries, stresses over things real and imagined, she goes over minute details of conversations and looks for sinister double meanings. She rarely trusts people or situations, she beats herself up over hindsight and what she should have said or done, and she worries endlessly about how things will happen in the future.
I read a post written by @xXxlovelylollipop where she describes events and happenings that are dangerous and tragic. Yet she rarely posts about her fear, and I don’t know if she feels anxiety or not. It made me think that fear and anxiety must be relative. Living in a nation full of violence and turmoil (yes, that could be said of America, too) would cause me a lot of anxiety and worry for my safety and the safety of my loved ones. Yet, most of her posts are funny, happy and insightful. They are not wrought with worry and woes despite the volatile area she lives.
Parents in Afghanistan have to worry about having the second highest infant mortality rate in the world. South Africa has the highest murder rate in the world. The Congo has the highest starvation rate in the world. Those things frighten me and I imagine I would be very anxious and afraid if I lived there.
I know that there are always things to fear and worry about, regardless of who we are or where we live. What I wonder about is why are some people more prone to anxiety than others? Does it even matter what your circumstances are in relation to how much anxiety and fear you feel?
Comments (88)
i don’t think circumstances necessarily determine anxiety levels. i think it’s more part of your chemistry. although the kinds of situations you describe might have more impact on anxiety levels one way or the other.
Temperment is part of it I guess. bein able to separate yourself away from the meanest hearted of the humans and dogs (or not) is some of it. @promisesunshine - yep, I think my word temperment and your word chemisty is saying about the same thing. some people don’t get scared too often. no matter what, other people get scarid of thier own shadow
Nadia (@xXxlovelylollipop) never fails to amaze us. We are lucky to be her students. Yes it does matter what your circumstances are and how much fear you feel, but let’s keep a rational perspective. We need to remember how much worse things could be.
In the last few years I have been prone to be more moody and get more prone to panics and I don’t know why
There are occasions when I am prone to alacrity. Mainly they are times when I have a life/death choice to make. Time was, when things that were out of my control were causes of stress. Now, I work on things until it’s time to let go and let God- then I let go.
Hello, my name is Kells and I’m a worry wart. I hate it! I seem to have no control over this…..Now that I’ve started my 12-step WA Program, I’m hoping to overcome it….OMG! The dogs got out! Are they going to be run over or taken to the pound???!!!
Amazing post!!!
I am a very layed back person myself.In my work I inspect houses for Insurance companies and do foreclosure inspections(after it has been vacated) and I go into some area’s of Memphis (which is one of the 10 most dangerous cities to live in in some studies) and I even have had police pull up to me and tell me I shouldn’t be in that neighborhood for my safety.I just say I’m only doing my job(I guess it helps to be a giant
) I have had guns pulled on me and knives but worse are hookers bothering me.It doesn’t bother me anymore,not that it ever did.Not sure if I’m stupid or brave LOL.My anxiety was just tested over the weekend with the birth of an 8th grandchild that wasn’t supposed to be.Amazing story I’ll share when I have all the pics and info straight.When I feel myself start to get anxious,I just remind myself that God is in control and has a purpose for what is happening even if what happens may seem bad for me,but it always turns out good somewhere for someone.
When your government or a tribe of outlaws is hunting down your family and killing them, that’s reason for anxiety.
Living in crime ridden areas can be a cause of great anxiety also.
Having a government that is deliberately killing the economy is also a legitimate source of anxiety. Family net worth has fallen 40% since Obama took office. LINK
But a great deal of anxiety is self inflicted.
People can go through the same traumatic event, and come out completely differently. The reason being, it’s partly to do with your genes. Genes are the underlying factor in how we react to situations, but it also has to do with how we control ourselves and our minds…because these are emotions that are in your mind.
Me? I have a great deal of fear and anxiety. I’m a worrier.
@promisesunshine - That is kind of my assumption, too, but I am not sure.
@NewDog2 - I’ve never had a problem with separation, it’s true
@we_deny_everything - Isn’t she a love? We are fortunate she is here with us. And I agree, keeping things in perspective. Sometimes I have a hot temper, and I have to ask myself how important will this be tomorrow, next week, etc. I think we get so self involved it’s easy to lose perspective of how fortunate we really are.
@SisterMae - So maybe it is a chemical thing? You seem very fearless to me
@RighteousBruin - I agree. It has always been easy for me to do what I can and forget the rest, or at least not lose sleep over it. Maybe that’s what it comes down to, a sense of control?
@Kellsbella - Calm down, they are over here. I will hang on to them until you come pick them up. I will be wearing that red number you like.
@andreas_d - Ah, thanks!
@PrisonerxOfxLove - Self inflicted anxiety seems to be just as harmful to people as circumstantial, but that can’t be said of the outcomes of real or self inflicted worry.
@Somefishytales - I can’t wait to hear the story, thank you!
@crazy2love - That’s a good point, about the traumatic events and the genes. I have noticed I feel much less worry and anxiety after my tragedy than before. Those types of things change things.
@BoulderChristina - Sometimes it’s easy to lose perspective when the goddamn dog craps on the rug. Just sayin’
@we_deny_everything - I feel sorry for the people that have to worry about that. I am fortunate that Salem opens the door to let himself out and then closes it behind him. He’s even polite enough to wipe his feet before coming in.
Fear as I see it is a natural instinct for survival. Problem with fear is, when it starts to run our life. I think it was Roosevelt who gave the now famous quote…” There is nothing to fear but fear itself ” That idea can move mountains because in reality there really is nothing to fear, we create our own nightmares and when we have the guts to face our fears, we realize that there really was nothing to fear in the first place. Any thrill seeker will tell you that he or she is basically fearless. Because they face so many challanges that fear really is none existing for them.
Fear then is a self created power and as such we can either master it or become its slave.Remember its all in your head and not really out in the outside world.
i’ll be back bc… too offer some dumbdoms… my mental ramblings… ’cause they certainly aren’t wise… not a trait i possess…
I think kids are raised in a generation where there are so many options as to what to do with your future, and none of it seems to ever be good enough. They’re afraid that their choices will make others unhappy, or their choices will make themselves unhappy. Choosing the wrong career or something, that’s a big step that costs a lot of money in education. There’s something wrong with everything that’s good, ya know? Kids today are all too aware of that I think. And if you watch the news, you ought to be scared out of your mind to walk outside and believe that at every corner, there’s someone watching you.
I’m a worry wort, but I think most of the time I’m able to believe that the world isn’t all such a bad place.
I used to suffer a great deal from anxiety though, basically unable to leave the house. Once I got out (after hours of convincing myself to) I was usually fine, but sometimes the fear would carry on with me all throughout the day. I felt crippled by my emotions. I burned a lot of bridges along the way.. wish I had seen someone about that.
@catstemplar2 - You are so right, it’s only an instinct, a feeling. Now I am going to ponder that awhile, you always have that affect on me.
@xplorrn - You are always wise, and cute
@specialxplaces - That is a lot of anxiety, it’s true. The paradox of choice, I may have to post about that someday. I hope you feel better now.
@BoulderChristina - I’ve heard it said that the mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what we conjure up and think is real.
So it follows that no matter what sort of stresses a person has, it is within the power of the individual to choose a mental state of non-anxiety.
That’s a good topic, I’d like to see your points on that one. Thanks, I do feel much better these days!
Awww you’re such a sweet heart
I have tons of irrational fears and obsessive thoughts, I add to that everyday fears and the volatile environment, yes it’s hard for me to go trough it but I hate feeling afraid, it’s quite simple the way I handle fear, if I feel it I have to face it
Thank you so much for the mention
@xXxlovelylollipop - I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. You handle your fear well, and you have had to face many of them.
Another great post. I love your writing style.
Some say the two major emotions are love and fear. I have seldom lived in fear, thank goodness. I am very impressed with the topics you have been posting of late. Valuable information.
AWESOME POST.
I worry & stress about everything it seems!!! I worry about a lot about things in the future though, like death of a loved one even though my family members aren’t sick. I hattttteee it but I can’t seem to stop.
I think it’s just a personality thing, for the most part. Some of us are better at accepting what comes and believing we can handle it when it gets here. Some of us believe that if we just work hard enough at it, we can figure out the world and keep bad things from happening.
@amateurprose - Thanks! I love your poetry style!
@vexations - I’m a lover, too
. When my knee heals I will be back to posting trails pics again!
@sweethearthoney85 - Thank you!
@Mrs_FoodLover - Haha, you sound like a typical worrier! My daughter even worries about how much she worries!
@lanney - That makes great sense! (I am the first example)
My theory… to soft a life makes you worry about everything
A basically hard life makes you worry about nothing
A full blown war zone can make you fearless or super jumpy and paranoid
while i think most anxiety depends on the person and not the situation, I think a *change* in situation can set off bad anxiety in a normally stable, calm person. Anxiety can be an adaptive response, if you’re living in a dangerous situation.
temperament is first, might as well say personality. second is social conditioning- were u taught to fear more often, is fear accepted in ur family or culture? then third is circumstances, time and place and what is happening. theres a time to hold them, a time to fold em, a time to …
@trunthepaige - That makes sense, really. If you have never been tried, you don’t know what you’re made of.
@ordinarybutloud - Right, because fear is instinctual. That also makes sense.
@maybmaybnot - You are right, they probably all come into play.
I’m a pear, I don’t feel much fear except around knives and peelers!
@TheMushyPear - With good reason, because that’s the way I like my pears
@Kellsbella - You are talking about me. That is me you just described.
I am a worryholic. But, I pretend that things don’t bother me until the night is on me, and I lie there just going over each and every detail. However, the next morning, I am usually worry free.
I’m sure temperment makes a difference but I think situation and confidence play a factor. If you are confident, it’s probably easier to let it go compared to someone with someone who has no self-confidence. In terms of situation, maybe you’re very comfortable in life, with an established job and paycheck and whatever else, but maybe someone else’s is constantly changing with a bunch of hard decisions to be made. Fear is a natural response in the latter case.
@ZSA_MD - It seems when I do worry I do it at night, as well
. Nothing looks as bleak in the light of day.
@evilcleo - So maybe worry is a way of sorting out problems? Thanks!
I think some fear/anxiety may be chemically-based. some may be related to a memory of events from past lives, if you even think such a thing is possible.
it might be that people in stressful situations learn to live the opposite, with positivity and joy, as a way to survive.
yes, I do think, in general, that happiness and fear are relative.
Sometimes men instill worry in women. Aren’t men suppose to be grounded rocks of stability? I suppose the ideal husband is quiet and reacts to smoothe things over.
I guess a “care free” mother might make a daughter worry just as much as a worrying mother. I wonder if you have had your daughter’s back and been protective enough or maybe too protective? The formula of doing a parent job is not well written.
I guess my job of fixing physical stuff in rewarding because I can see immediate results. Maybe your daughter has not tried out her wings enough to feel confident? I am of the school in which if a person learns one skill really well, that skill will give a person confidence. Has your daughter been too much of a quitter or gets out competed too many times?
Oh I do have weaknesses. I know a lot of things that could hurt me. No wonder Leos love compliments.
@plantinthewindow - I agree, they are relative. It seems like when I focus on what I am happy about, I don’t have room to worry.
@PPhilip - I have been both with her – too protective and not protective enough. She is the one I posted about that struggled growing up. Maybe losing her sister caused anxiety of learning about death when she was so young, whereas with me it helped me realize the difference between important stuff and small stuff. I wish they had come with a manual, also a rewind button.
@BoulderChristina - you have a good way of dealing with life.
@plantinthewindow - Haha, maybe. Or maybe I am slightly psychotic?
You are such a sweetheart, I wish I could take your anxiety away.
Long time! How have you been? Thanks for visiting my site again! God bless, ~ Pete
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6,7
@BoulderChristina - Yeah a death in the family does some serious trauma. I am sort of lucky that never happened to me but for sure I see the whole picture in a different light.
Lol if they had a manual it would be too long and very expensive.
@BoulderChristina - : ) I wish, too. ; ) btw, how’s your furry hiking buddy?
If you really think about it, you can die anywhere. Everywhere can be a dangerous place. I think if one would go to most dangerous place on earth everyday and s/he’s still not dead, then his/her fear would diminish.
I think people who are usually more anxious than the average turned out to be like that because of their past experiences. That one time they didn’t worry about what will happen and prepared for it turned out to become one of their bad days. And yet those people who are not so anxious, didn’t happen to them on the first few times they didn’t worry so they learn to be laid back
Ah, thanks!
great post.i hope you dont feel that way forever.
@Evangelist_Guy - Thanks, Pete! Nice to see you again!
@plantinthewindow - He’s good, but lazy! He hates hot weather so he drags his feet when we go out now!
@f5ye_angel5 - Good point, tragedy can strike anywhere and anytime. Thanks, I like your take on it!
@sweethearthoney85 - Thank you!
Hmmm…..any time you think your living with fear,PM me,we will talk fear,if your not afraid!(lol)
@rilthe - Haha, thanks!
I think it’s interesting in America. I think a lot of our culture is based around fear and anxiety. We like what we know. We like to be safe. Even if that safety is imagined. For instance, we have a gun ban on our college campuses, but yesterday there was gun man on campus. What exactly is a “gun ban” when people who are going to be dangerous with guns are going to do whatever they want, anyways? I keep myself as safe as I can, but I also know that most worrying is useless.
I think it can be a combination of so many things in ones life and what’s taking place around them. I’ve been a worrier since I was a toddler, if what my Mother said was true. During my child raising years, there was a lot of anxiety and my last job created some interesting scenarios. But since I’ve retired I find most of that has gone away. I don’t do well in new situations, so moving to a strange place and not knowing anybody has caused a fair amount of anxiety, but I’ve set my mind to making the most of what is taking place and seem to be weathering it fairly well. I think at this time in my life my biggest concern centers around health issues. Not having answers to questions and waiting for all the blasted tests, etc. is a real test of how much inner strength I’ve acquired over the years. Most days I can deal with all of it, but some days I would just like to turn it all over to someone else to carry for awhile. I know God is there, but sometimes I would like to climb up onto a lap and just be a kid again. It’s life at it’s most challenging and you can just take it one day at a time.
depends on the circumstances. i have disabilities and ive always been worried about people not liking me and thinking poorly of me. and because of a recent incident on xanga, i feel that even more so. i try to make everybody happy i guess and when i cant i feel insecure.
I think a lot of it has to do with how we were raised and where we grew up, what was going on around us in our early developmental years.
A lot of people have anxiety disorders from childhood situations and other things growing up and talking about it makes them anxious.
@CGrippi616 - People pleasing is an impossible endeavor and will always leave you feeling like a failure. I encourage you to make yourself happy first. Happy people are people that others want to spend time with. Learning to be happy despite your environment will make your life better and make others want to be around you, even though you will no longer need that to be happy.
@Grannys_Place - So more of a developmental thing then, right? That makes sense, too. Thank you!
@MzSilver - I am glad to hear that most of that has gone aside from your health issues. I don’t know how I would be with health issues. It seems like most everything else is temporary, such as jobs, friends (drama), money issues, heartbreak, etc. Health issues are not always temporary, and I believe I would have more anxiety around that as well. You do have real strength of character and maintaining a positive attitude, which is part of why I am drawn to spending time chatting with you. Happy, strong people are always enjoyable to be around, happiness can be like a virus – it seems to spread
@BoulderChristina - I think more of a developmental and environmental thing for some people. Environmental meaning the household-family life, they were raised in.
@lorelei - The gun example is perfect – feeling safe with a gun ban in place doesn’t prevent the criminals from bringing a gun to school, yet it makes us feel safer. Thanks for your thoughtful response!
@Grannys_Place - What you are saying makes sense as so many people have noted they have been worries since they were kids. I can only recall one period in my life where stress and worry had a really strong effect on me. Most of my other years were pretty worry free, but not trouble free.
@BoulderChristina - thanks
I was disappointed that “lovelylollipop” did not respond on here, as I have you both on my Xanga feed. I agree with ZSA MD, to the extent that it is easy to ignore things during the day, while staying busy, but they tend to come back to haunt after dark. The next day is a fresh new slate if one finds a way to unload the fears of the previous day. I find that it is best to clear the conscience and concerns with God.
@pb49r - Oh she did, here is her response “
Awww you’re such a sweet heart
”
I have tons of irrational fears and obsessive thoughts, I add to that everyday fears and the volatile environment, yes it’s hard for me to go trough it but I hate feeling afraid, it’s quite simple the way I handle fear, if I feel it I have to face it
Thank you so much for the mention
I agree too. Things always crawl into our heads when our bodies slow down.
Anxiety & Fear are very much related to certain personality types and also trauma growing up, or adulthood. Usually the very sensitive person and those with adhd, are prone to be more aware of things that no one else notices. If you ever hear someone say a clock ticking that no one else even hears when its quiet, is getting on their nerves, or noises that don’t bother anyone else, it’s in a persons make up. They just cant help it.
lol…oh well…
i do write alot of replys in notepad for that reason! Not that one!
I appreciate your post about the homeless and that you have a passion for them. I had a long reply and for some reason late at night, it never fails, i lost it!
Have a Great Weekend!
Cj
That is a good question. I worry all the time, and live in anxiety and fear. Although there is no war as such that we live in, but I have been in situations such as bomb blasts etc, and now have PTSD. But I do find that there are some people, who are not affected at all, by anything nor be bothered by what people say. My daughter doesn’t bother about anything. For that my son would.