September 13, 2012
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On Courage
This is a repost for National Childhood Cancer Day.
As I read people’s blogs on Xanga, talk to friends in real life (I really have them, I swear!) and talked to my daughter on the phone, I cannot help but think about courage, and how so many don’t understand what that is. Courage is not the lack of fear, but being afraid and doing it anyway.
I just read a charming young man’s post about asking out a girl he likes (and has for sometime) to discover she isn’t available. That took a lot of courage. My daughter made the decision to remain in her job and work through her issues with her co-workers rather than give up and finding a new job. That is courage. My girlfriend gave up her job of 10 years to start her own company. Another friend can finally let other people see her body after By Pass surgery. I see courage everyday.
Courage is often associated with picking yourself up and trying again. This is courageous, yes, but not the only form of courage. Sometimes courage is letting go of the fight and embracing the unknown.
I had a little girl named Amber that I lost to cancer. She had courage everyday. Courage to keep smiling during medical procedure. Courage to play with her friends despite her bald head. Courage to say “no” to procedures that she had a reason to. Her first surgery she had a spinal tap for pain management afterwards. She hated that, it made her uncomfortable and scared though it managed the pain. Though she was very young, she knew that she had a voice in her own treatment. For remaining surgeries (she had 4 more bilateral thoracotamies, very painful) she chose iv pain management which wasn’t as effective so she wasn’t trapped and afraid. She always had a good attitude, never complained about her quality of life or treatments, and was brave in all of her dealings with the world. When she died, she made the decision to not have another surgery. Of course I wouldn’t let her make this choice, and I tried to explain that she needed it even if she didn’t want it. She told me that not everyone that has cancer lives, and she didn’t want to do it. She died less than a week before she was scheduled. I am not a mystical person, but I knew she had decided to die, or at least come to terms with it, when she tried to comfort and warn me. She knew something I didn’t, had a peace with something foreign to me, and made the decision. She had courage to face death while I was fighting tooth and nail. She had courage when I did not.
During her life, she lived with little fear. She had crushes on cute residents, and let them know. She had friends and never hid because of her hair. She rode her bike, swam in the deep end, made commercials and loved any excuse to be in the spotlight. She was brave, she lived with little fear, and she was courageous in a way I can only hope to be.
Learn a lesson from her. Invite people over to dinner even if your house isn’t perfect. Don’t wait for the economy to get better before you start chasing your dreams. Ask that girl out, even if she says no. We don’t have much time, try not to blow it.
Comments (76)
this is powerful beyond words! Thank you for having the courage to write it!
Dance in the rain.
She was beautiful. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you went through this. I can’t even imagine. Thank you for sharing this story with us, tragic but ultimately inspiring too. I’m so sorry for your loss. <3
such courage, yes.
She was the brave one in charge of her path, and you were blessed to be invited along for the ride with her. She is an angel who choose to walk her path with you for a while.
Like my daughter and my son, who both have their wings, and have had for many years now, you and I were blessed to have the love of an angel for a while here on this earth.(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs from one angel mom to another)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
What a wonderful little girl! You were very blessed to have her in your life even if only for a little while.
I remember reading this earlier. I don’t remember the picture of Amber. It is surprising that you let yourself relive the pain.
Awesome post.
@JadeMaster2 - Thanks
@we_deny_everything - I am still working on that book – January is when I said I would be done with it, and I am not. It isn’t fun, but I gotta go there sometimes.
@Ampbreia - I was very blessed indeed, thank you
@Grannys_Place - You are so right, and it’s always nice to know I am not alone. Other mothers can relate like few can, thank you Ruth.
@plantinthewindow - Thanks
@EmilyandAtticus - I am trying to embrace the inspiration without hanging on to the tragedy, so you are exactly right! Thank you!
@seedsower - Indeed.
@atticusfin - Thank you
She was not only courageous, but beautiful. Her smile is wonderful. Somewhere in the Bible it says “A little child shall lead them.”
@ata_grandma - Thank you! Lead me, she did.
I would like to remind myself constantly to summon up courage to do the things that are not easy to do.
It is not easy to write a book. At least you are part way there?
It is not easy to blog, after all who really wants to read certain things?
It is not easy to live when the temperatures are hot and you feel sticky and icky…..
It is not easy to stay on message, but let me say that the more you practice saying your message, it soon gets to be a stronger message.
In a way we need to summon courage from the stimulus of life, life presents challenges that can be met.
Wow, this was very powerful. She is a role model for everyone. Also my face is all wet now.
This is a great story. My friend also lost her daughter to cancer.
Thanks for the post. I needed the inspiration to keep on fighting for the things I love. Life is too short to hold back.
Me, I knock on wood, that my sons’ health has been very good and they had no birth defects or major childhood illnesses. I did not know that you had to go through major illness and death of a child, and I believe that I am a total weakling. My sons are stronger, much stronger than I am, which is as it should be. Actually upon reading this I do not know what to say to you because you were able to get back on your feet after taking a blow to the jaw like that. I’m not a woman so I didn’t carry the fetus and then push it out and yet in the back of my mind a part of me worries about them anyway and just hopes that there is no God waiting to take blood libel revenge upon me by retaliating against my family for my perennial mortal sins of the flesh.
Maybe only the good die young; my father had a cousin, Lt. Col., B52 pilot, one of his first cousins and the only Vietnam casualty KIA in the family, I never knew the guy but I gather he was much smarter and had more personal courage than the rest of the cousins put together including the one who has moved to somewhere near Boulder. If he had come back from the war and gone to law school and gone into practice with my dad, we would be in a much better position than we are now, with our little ragtag operation. When I try to stand and protect myself, as often as not is is as Faulkner would say, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury. I lack the dignity of the Air Force lieutenant colonel and I have about as much dignity as a black bear getting ready to raid somebody’s garbage cans, honestly.
Thanks, Christina, for sharing this beautiful snapshot of courage — your daughter’s courage in the face of death, and your courage to help her through her illness and to share the story! She’s an excellent example!
You said it well.Some people don’t look at themselves as courageous BECAUSE they are so scared.Courage is stepping up to the plate when you have never swung a bat before.It’s being willing to fail because you are trying to succeed.
Thank you for this story and post. I think that people who have been terminally ill for a while know or decide when they are ready to go. My mother in law was in pain and sliding. We rushed up to visit. She had one good day, then once she saw her son, she was ready and peaceful. She passed away in her sleep a few days later. Yes, I think she held on just long enough to see him one more time. She has been gone for exactly a year and I misser terribly.
Very inspiring. And I’m sorry for your loss. She sounded like a very courageous little girl.
daaawww
indeed you are right.
Life’s pretty short so we need to make the best of it. And summon up that courage to do so. Inspirational post. Thank you for sharing it.
Courage…yes… courage!
Working on that here.
The blog and data is excellent and informative as well.
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What a wonderful post. I encounter way too many people who appear to be living life as if it is a dress rehearsal.
Brave girl indeed, and a great example. Blessings to you.
Wonderful post. We could all learn from your daughter and others facing adversity.
Well said, Christina!! ((((HUGS))))
You have pic of a cute girl there. Have a nice day!
I have read this before but it never fails to evoke the same emotions. And I don’t remember seeing her photo, she is adorable. Thanks for sharing your story.
indeed, thank you for sharing this story
I can’t remember if I read this first time round, but it made me cry…..again! I remember you spoke on writing a book to help parents going through this ordeal. I just can’t remember if that was the same post…..don’t get old.
Christina; you are, hands down, the most courageous person I know.
Just like a woman…breakin me heart again.
@PPhilip - You are so right Philip, so many things take courage, even when we have to do them everyday!
Thank you for your lovely response.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Thank you! Wet faces weren’t my intention, but I am glad she moved you
@Foodhog - It’s something that changes people in every way, be there for her!
@Sheegwa - Definitely don’t hold back lady – you are always out in the middle of things doing your best and having great adventures. Don’t let age or common sense slow that down
@TheCellOfDougMoe - That was a beautiful story Doug, thank you so much for sharing it.
@slmret - Thank you
Some people change us forever, don’t they?
@Somefishytales - Being willing to fail – perfectly said, sir!
@whyzat - Isn’t it funny how people seem to manage their own timing, holding out until they feel satisfied with what they’ve done? That seems to be the truest testament of human will. Thanks!
@simplysuzu - Thanks! She was very inspiring!
@SlackerSociety - You know, my other girl will be here over Christmas time… Now that you’ve convinced me you’re the guy for her, you should convince her
@LastStopCrazyTown - Thank you! It just flies by, doesn’t it?
@MOM2_4 - It seems to be something that we are always working on, isn’t it?
@WaitingToShrug - Exactly! We don’t get another go (or if we do, I don’t know about it.)
@Roadkill_Spatula - Thank you
@Unstoppable_Inner_Strength - Thanks! Adversity seems to bring out the best and worst of us!
@MzSilver - Thanks PS, I know I posted it in Feb, but I didn’t have anything else for that day, so.. Thanks for swinging by!
@dinhtrinh - Thank you!
@leaflesstree - Thank you so much! I used her pic from another post and added it here – thanks for your kind response.
@Exqsme - Thanks!
@Kellsbella - Not the same post, abut about the same thing. You are too sweet, Kells. I have missed seeing you around.
@dreadpirate - I won’t break your heart again, I promise!
@BoulderChristina - Been political blogging and doing a show. I should write on that nuttiness….
@Kellsbella - And pics of you in the show!
I agree so many have courage every day and do not know it.
Beautiful, both the girl and the post about her.
Indeed courage is not the absence of fear but acting bravely in spite of that fear. We all could stand to display a little more courage, like Amber.
This brought tears to my eyes. What a brave little girl your Amber was!!! I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but glad you did get through it.
such a beautiful post~ feeling tears here! thanks for sharing about your daughter – you can tell from her picture she was an inspiration. she just SHINES!! and i happen to really like her name.
@blonde_apocalypse - Thank you
@Aloysius_son - I agree, thank you
@lonelywanderer2 - Thanks so much!
@grace_to_be - Ambers are special, aren’t they?
Thanks so much for your kind words.
I always appreciate you sharing this. Such courage she had then and such courage you have now.
This was very inspirational. The courage of many children in cancer wards is amazing. They are so young and brave.
You are right–time to do something for others.
frank
@bethro78 - Thanks so much
@ANVRSADDAY - They are inspirational, aren’t they? Thanks, Frank!