March 23, 2013
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As I sit here tonight
In this hospital room, watching my husband sleep, I wonder what the hell happened? The love of my life is 38 years old, healthy, happy. He isn’t overweight, he isn’t a drinker, smoker, party type. He is physically active, eats his veggies, and steers clear of drugs. Yet here he is, full of blood clots and pulmonary embolisms. He has an abnormality on his liver and cancer is suspected. We plan to be here at least a week for the heparin to manage the clots and the coumadin to start thinning his blood.
I am sitting here tonight unable to sleep for fear the moment I close my eyes, a clot will shake loose and land in his brain or blow up his heart.
I sit here tonight and remember the stupid fights, the wasted time, the lack of appreciation I sometimes have for him. I am pretty sure he will live a bit longer at least – the clots can be dissolved and medicine can make sure they don’t happen again. But the problem with his liver cannot be a coincidence, and the sad faces of the nurses and the technicians tell a less than hopeful story.
I sit here tonight hoping that I am being dramatic. That in the morning the CT will show a bruised liver and nothing cancerous about it. That in the morning the clots will be gone and the doctor will be surprised when she hears how worried I was. That she will tell me it’s no big deal at all. That my husband will roll his eyes at me and ask if NOW can he have a damn cheeseburger?
It doesn’t take much to turn our worlds upside down, does it? If you have a chance and are so inclined, please send a prayer for my husband tonight.
Comments (92)
I noticed your absence.
*hugs* You may certainly count that I will. I hope the sun will rise on a happier day.
Sometimes I wonder who is Mr. Wonderful Boulder? Unfortunately I get this sad news and can only hope that Mrs Boulder Christina makes up for lost time.
Well blogs do sort of make you concentrate on moi. I hope that your fund of hope can help carry you through this crisis. It definitely is a wake up call.
praying
will send healing thoughts your way.
hugs
I had no idea. He and you both are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope paragraph 4 nails it.
We are lifting you and your husband up in prayer asking for healing and comfort. Hang on and remember to breathe.
big hugs and good vibes heading your way.
I am sorry to hear this. Praying for healing over your husband and comfort for you and your family
my heart breaks for your troubles. he’s in my prayers.
I will send up prayers tonight that God touches his body & heals him!!
You got it.
White light and healing…ALWAYS.
losing someone or the threat of it does seem to change things. just have hope, be appreciative, and love him. =]
I’m so sorry to hear that…I know exactly how stressful it gets with news like that…we’ve been through that numerous times in my family with the same events (different members)…when you feel uncertain, just try to get as much info as possible from the doctors about the condition, and what causes these conditions or other risk factors that lead to it especially since your husband seems to take care of himself. It might help to know facts like that and you’ll feel like the medical team knows what’s going on. I’ll make sure to pray in just a moment…I don’t have a name for you or or husband, but I’ll pray nevertheless…hang in there…sending good wishes and prayers your way in a second…
*hugs*
Hopes and prayers for ya!!!
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through at this time. Prayers and encouragement sent your way. Please remember that your current journey may make you feel that you are all alone, but you are not. God, your family and friends are surrounding you with their love and hope. They will help carry you and your beloved husband through this.
Keep us posted.
Christy
Luck and love to your husband, and to you, my friend. You will be in my thoughts, and in my heart.
She will tell you that it’s no big deal. Photo of so happy couple.
You’re both in our thoughts.
including you and him in my prayers tonight.
Oh my word. {{{TIGHT HUGS}}} Keeping you both in my warmest thoughts.
I’m sending prayers for your family!! I hope all is okay & that you are just overacting… *hugs*
Such troubling news- I will certainly include you both in a prayer.
I… don’t know what to say. I just can’t believe it. But I’m also hoping that you’re being dramatic, and everything will just get back to normal tomorrow.
Stay strong.
I hope everything works out OK and it turns out to be nothing.
I will be praying for you both. I sincerely hope that it is not what the doctors fear it may be.
*hugs*
This is very distressing to hear. I send you very good hopes and prayers. If you need anything, truly, you know I’m just up the road.
That is just horrible. You are in my thoughts.
My heart goes out to you. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers — I pray that God gives you strength in this difficult time, that He will give you His peace in your heart. I pray for your husband that he will make a speedy recovery from this and be done with it for good. Xx
Wow, I’m so sorry. To see someone suffer is terrible, to see someone you love suffer is an indescribable torture. It doesn’t seem to matter how well you take care of yourself, there is always something that can come along and, as you said, turn your world upside down. It just isn’t fair, nothing in life really is but I truly believe that love and hope can make all the difference. That you love this man means the world and your support and care gives him the best chance there could be, regardless of what any doctor might say.
Stay strong.
Praying for your husband and for you.
A beautiful picture.
Stay strong and positive, your husband is young, and with your love, strength, and support he will hopefully pull through.You are both in our thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))
Yes by all mean I will pray you found away into my heart and I will be lifting you and your darling hubby up in prayer…I know how frightening the word cancer is but remember if it is cancer it is not sure death…like you said he is young and healthy…
Lord Jesus I ask that you wrap your loving arms around these two sweet children and keep them safe I ask for the wisdom of the doctors and your healing touch…I ask that my sweet girl be able to stay calm and strong and feel your grace as answers are found and and action plan be found as you guide all that is caring for this wonderful guy…Amen
you absolutely have my prayers for healing, strength, and courage.
oh my god, christina. of course you are scared. hold on tight. all these people thinking the good thoughts (me too of course) will help.
Lifting you both up to Father now.
praying—karen
Sending lots of prayers and warm wishes to you both. You are strong as is he and you both will get through this.
You’re both in my thoughts and prayers.
Thinking of you today! Sending good vibes and big HUGS!
****************HUGS**************
Please keep me posted!
I am also worried and praying that it is just bruising!
I’m praying for you AND your husband.
I hope he’s okay, he bouncing back and you guys can be thankful that it was nothing!
****HUGS****
Sending you positive thoughts, prayers and many many many hugs!!!!!!!!
****************HUGS**************
Please keep me posted!
I am also worried and praying that it is just bruising!
I’m praying for you AND your husband.
I hope he’s okay, he bouncing back and you guys can be thankful that it was nothing!
****HUGS****
Sending you positive thoughts, prayers and many many many hugs!!!!!!!!
Yes, dear, I will pray for the Lord to be somehow present to you both in your husband’s tribulation.
God never gives us more than we can handle. you’re a strong woman and you can handle this! I pray for his fast and full recovery… you’re a good woman for being by his side, and never think of the stupid fights, or anything else bad you’ve guys have been through. Think of how you guys are going to be better and go forward after this!
And, postive thoughts = postive things happen.
Good luck and speedy recovery.
You can count on me.
Prayers for you and your hubby. May God hold you both in his arms ,comfort you and keep you.
God Bless you.
I am horrified to read this! I hope the doctors tell you very soon that he is ok. Please contact me if you want to talk. Sending you both love and healing wishes. <3
I am so sorry to hear this…..my prayers are with you and your husband.
You are both in my prayers.
i am very sorry to hear this–awful.
Said a prayer for him and you. Hope he really is OK.
hugs
frank
*hugs* I haven’t prayed in a long time, but I’ve been praying for you since I read the first few sentences. Prayers for healing. Prayers for peace.
Your story makes my sphincter go wobbly because this sort of thing can happen to anyone, anytime.
Best wishes. I sincerely hope this is just a bump in life’s rocky road.
Many positive vibes and best wishes from all of us here. xx
A determined attitude and loving care has made a mockery of many a grim prognosis. Be an advocate, double check his charts, and make a chicken balloon out of a latex glove. You’ll get through it together..
I really don’t know what to say, sweetheart. My heart goes out to you. Know you are both in my thoughts & prayers. Including a warm encompassing hug. Stay strong, my dear. You have my number. Call if you need me.
I am sending prayers your way. Try to get some rest.
{{{hugs}}}
You and your husband are in my thoughts. I hope it isn’t anything serious.
Oh honey, I have thought of you every single time I have been on xanga, and wondered where you were. I thought perhaps you were busy with your pregnant daughter.
May the God of the Universe place His hand on your husband’s body and heal him completely. Please be positive and all our prayers are with you and your husband. Love and blessings to you.
=[ prayers
Oh my god! You are a strong person, so I’m sure you will be a great comfort to him. I hope the news is good this morning.
I first saw this in top blogs, and my heart jumped in to my throat. I read your entry and my eyes watered. I am sending all the positive thoughts and prayers I can, for him, for you. He will get better, that we must believe. Take care of yourself too though. Don’t forget to do that. A thousand hugs sent your way.
I hope he turns out to be all right. We can never predict sometimes how fragile health is, and how quickly it can leave us. I don’t have anything else to say except ::hugs::
Praying for him, and for you too. I’m so sorry to hear this.
I hope that he gets better.
You are very close to going through one of my worst nightmares…All I have is sympathy and my prayers. I wish I had more I could do for you.
sorry to hear.hope all gets well.
Sorry to hear about this. I’m hoping for the best outcome.
I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s terrible. I have prayed for the two of you, and hopefully things will work out in your favor. Wishing you and your husband the best.
awesome photo nice couple
So sorry to hear this. Praying he’s ok.
My heart goes out to you both! Prayers and well wishes being sent your way! Hugs!
PRAYING!!!!
I don’t mean to depress you but Time is marching by and the death parade is starting to happen. It happens to everybody sooner or later. Most of us pray for later but for millillions (me and your husband…the illness and death parade staurt and finish young…I am living proof of this hopefully will not be but my sister is proof that not everybody is going to be. My sister died 31 years ago when she was 18 from an pneumonia….circumstances existed that were beyond human control and I started battling my five different back when I was 20 (I am going to be 53 next week and maybe life span…is expected to be somewhere around 60…and that I will boarding the train bound for glory but I was told the same same thing when I was 38 and had a bad pancreas and lots of other things…including a 106 degree temperature, two heart attacks and three strokes and was flatlined twice and brought back and they gave two days then and I proved since 16 years later I still here. Hopefully will not die yet and will beat this a nd live along .life But like Martin Luther King said…”Longevity has its place but it is not guaranteed to anybody and means loving if your life is not meaningful. Now your husband’s life is meaning ful since he has you but longevity is guaranteed to no one sometimes no matter how well you take care of yourself because for some people its matter of genetics…at least for me and my sister it was…ditto for your husband and you simply have to play the cards that are dealt to you and don’t give up. That is the fate of millions…I inherited all of my mental illnesses from my cousind but shit happens and the only thing you can really do is follow your doctor’s orders realixzing that even your doctor even under the best of circumstance will make mistakes…we ar all do. Get Well soon…Tallman
i don’t really know you.. other than the few times you’ve visited my blog, but i saw this on the main page and clicked over and reading your words just gives me chills. i’m so very sorry for you and pray that your husband is okay. ~ we never are prepared for these kinds of things, are we? it does help put things in perspective but still.. watching those you love suffer is so very tough. hoping you feel peace even in the midst of chaos. blessings~
Having been in this position I know how important prayers are. Am, and will be, in prayer. Many (((hugs))) and special thoughts.
I was just passing through when I saw your post. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Sending love and white light your way.
I really hope that everything will be alright.
praying!
I truly hope you will have many more happy years together with the love of your life. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Oh dear! Hugs to you. And prayers. I only hope it is nothing as you said, that he will just wake up and ask for a cheeseburgher. I really hope that the doctors will be able to get the changes he needs for his body to heal fast. After all we live in a time of discoveries, that I am sure there should be a cure for it.
Big hugs and lots of prayers.
I’m sending positive vibes your way with all my energy and spirit. I pray for you to receive good news.
my prayers are with you guys tonight. <3
Prayers going up for you guys. Keep us posted as you have the time. Let me know if you need an ear. *hugs* Praying!!
Hoping and praying that he’s ok.
Praying
The sad faces of the health care workers only mean that they are taking his condition seriously. You’re wise not to infer the worst from them.
My experience with hospitals is that the staff is overworked and spread way too thin. Spend as much time with your husband as you can; monitor everything that goes on; when they administer meds, pay attention; when the shift change occurs, make sure the incoming staff know his special needs; watch for changes that someone who doesn’t know your husband might not notice. The best thing you can do is be his advocate. And, monitor your own stress level. You can’t afford to get sick now. Oh, yeah, and take the risk of infection seriously and use the hand cleaners they have beside the elevators frequently. I don’t put much stock in prayer but I do believe knowledge is power, so arm yourself.
My thoughts are with you…live strong.
Very sorry to hear this news. It must be very frightening for both of you. Blessings to you. I will be praying.
Oh
I can’t even imagine. Here’s a prayer for the both of you
My thoughts are with you! The realization of how fleeting life can be (not that this is the case here!! prayers to you both), well, it can be intense. It’s important to stay strong with him now.
On another note you two really do make a bafflingly perfect looking couple. There’s so much I’m reading into just by staring at the picture of you both together…and the background. Ooofff. Breath-taking.
@specialxplaces - Thank you, for both your support and your very kind compliment
Perfect looking may be a stretch, but my grateful ego will hang onto that compliment for the rest of the year! We are doing ok, and he is on the mend.