Thursday, 09 August 2012
And I will move the earth.
All of my life I have wanted to save the world, do great things, adventure everyday. As I get older, my desire to save the world lessens, doing great things now includes making sure the dog gets daily exercise, and I avoid adventure at all costs.
I am not sure when it happened - my dreams shrinking and my need for comfort increasing. I seem to like to have control over my environment and loved ones, I want to manage it all to keep it all safe and manageable. In my early twenties I may have had long ranging plans and goals but I never knew what was going to happen day to day. Today I try to know everything that I have planned for the day, week, month and do all I can to remove unpredictable variables.
I had coffee with a friend today who I just happened to meet when I was his assistant at the college. He always makes me laugh, and usually makes me think. He giggled when I told him I thought I was a bit of a control freak (I was seriously hoping for him to say, "No, you aren't a control freak at all. You just like to take care of the people you love"). He giggled as if it were obvious I was a control freak, that everybody knew it!
I am not sure that if I could live with abandon again I would want to. I miss believing that I would make a difference, do great things, etc.. but I like stability too much now to let it go. I wonder, is there a way to have both?