Thursday, 13 September 2012
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On Courage
This is a repost for National Childhood Cancer Day.
As I read people's blogs on Xanga, talk to friends in real life (I really have them, I swear!) and talked to my daughter on the phone, I cannot help but think about courage, and how so many don't understand what that is. Courage is not the lack of fear, but being afraid and doing it anyway.
I just read a charming young man's post about asking out a girl he likes (and has for sometime) to discover she isn't available. That took a lot of courage. My daughter made the decision to remain in her job and work through her issues with her co-workers rather than give up and finding a new job. That is courage. My girlfriend gave up her job of 10 years to start her own company. Another friend can finally let other people see her body after By Pass surgery. I see courage everyday.
Courage is often associated with picking yourself up and trying again. This is courageous, yes, but not the only form of courage. Sometimes courage is letting go of the fight and embracing the unknown.
I had a little girl named Amber that I lost to cancer. She had courage everyday. Courage to keep smiling during medical procedure. Courage to play with her friends despite her bald head. Courage to say "no" to procedures that she had a reason to. Her first surgery she had a spinal tap for pain management afterwards. She hated that, it made her uncomfortable and scared though it managed the pain. Though she was very young, she knew that she had a voice in her own treatment. For remaining surgeries (she had 4 more bilateral thoracotamies, very painful) she chose iv pain management which wasn't as effective so she wasn't trapped and afraid. She always had a good attitude, never complained about her quality of life or treatments, and was brave in all of her dealings with the world. When she died, she made the decision to not have another surgery. Of course I wouldn't let her make this choice, and I tried to explain that she needed it even if she didn't want it. She told me that not everyone that has cancer lives, and she didn't want to do it. She died less than a week before she was scheduled. I am not a mystical person, but I knew she had decided to die, or at least come to terms with it, when she tried to comfort and warn me. She knew something I didn't, had a peace with something foreign to me, and made the decision. She had courage to face death while I was fighting tooth and nail. She had courage when I did not.
During her life, she lived with little fear. She had crushes on cute residents, and let them know. She had friends and never hid because of her hair. She rode her bike, swam in the deep end, made commercials and loved any excuse to be in the spotlight. She was brave, she lived with little fear, and she was courageous in a way I can only hope to be.
Learn a lesson from her. Invite people over to dinner even if your house isn't perfect. Don't wait for the economy to get better before you start chasing your dreams. Ask that girl out, even if she says no. We don't have much time, try not to blow it.
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Comments (76)
this is powerful beyond words! Thank you for having the courage to write it!
Dance in the rain.
She was beautiful. I'm so sorry, I didn't know you went through this. I can't even imagine. Thank you for sharing this story with us, tragic but ultimately inspiring too. I'm so sorry for your loss. <3
such courage, yes.
She was the brave one in charge of her path, and you were blessed to be invited along for the ride with her. She is an angel who choose to walk her path with you for a while.
Like my daughter and my son, who both have their wings, and have had for many years now, you and I were blessed to have the love of an angel for a while here on this earth.(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs from one angel mom to another)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))What a wonderful little girl! You were very blessed to have her in your life even if only for a little while.
I remember reading this earlier. I don't remember the picture of Amber. It is surprising that you let yourself relive the pain.
Awesome post.
@JadeMaster2 - Thanks :)
@we_deny_everything - I am still working on that book - January is when I said I would be done with it, and I am not. It isn't fun, but I gotta go there sometimes.
@Ampbreia - I was very blessed indeed, thank you :)
@Grannys_Place - You are so right, and it's always nice to know I am not alone. Other mothers can relate like few can, thank you Ruth.
@plantinthewindow - Thanks :)
@EmilyandAtticus - I am trying to embrace the inspiration without hanging on to the tragedy, so you are exactly right! Thank you!
@seedsower - Indeed.
@atticusfin - Thank you :)
She was not only courageous, but beautiful. Her smile is wonderful. Somewhere in the Bible it says "A little child shall lead them."
@ata_grandma - Thank you! Lead me, she did.
I would like to remind myself constantly to summon up courage to do the things that are not easy to do.
It is not easy to write a book. At least you are part way there?
It is not easy to blog, after all who really wants to read certain things?
It is not easy to live when the temperatures are hot and you feel sticky and icky.....
It is not easy to stay on message, but let me say that the more you practice saying your message, it soon gets to be a stronger message.
In a way we need to summon courage from the stimulus of life, life presents challenges that can be met.
This is a great story. My friend also lost her daughter to cancer.
Thanks for the post. I needed the inspiration to keep on fighting for the things I love. Life is too short to hold back. :)
Me, I knock on wood, that my sons' health has been very good and they had no birth defects or major childhood illnesses. I did not know that you had to go through major illness and death of a child, and I believe that I am a total weakling. My sons are stronger, much stronger than I am, which is as it should be. Actually upon reading this I do not know what to say to you because you were able to get back on your feet after taking a blow to the jaw like that. I'm not a woman so I didn't carry the fetus and then push it out and yet in the back of my mind a part of me worries about them anyway and just hopes that there is no God waiting to take blood libel revenge upon me by retaliating against my family for my perennial mortal sins of the flesh.
Maybe only the good die young; my father had a cousin, Lt. Col., B52 pilot, one of his first cousins and the only Vietnam casualty KIA in the family, I never knew the guy but I gather he was much smarter and had more personal courage than the rest of the cousins put together including the one who has moved to somewhere near Boulder. If he had come back from the war and gone to law school and gone into practice with my dad, we would be in a much better position than we are now, with our little ragtag operation. When I try to stand and protect myself, as often as not is is as Faulkner would say, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury. I lack the dignity of the Air Force lieutenant colonel and I have about as much dignity as a black bear getting ready to raid somebody's garbage cans, honestly.
Thanks, Christina, for sharing this beautiful snapshot of courage -- your daughter's courage in the face of death, and your courage to help her through her illness and to share the story! She's an excellent example!
You said it well.Some people don't look at themselves as courageous BECAUSE they are so scared.Courage is stepping up to the plate when you have never swung a bat before.It's being willing to fail because you are trying to succeed.