August 9, 2012
-
Give me a place to stand…
And I will move the earth.
All of my life I have wanted to save the world, do great things, adventure everyday. As I get older, my desire to save the world lessens, doing great things now includes making sure the dog gets daily exercise, and I avoid adventure at all costs.
I am not sure when it happened – my dreams shrinking and my need for comfort increasing. I seem to like to have control over my environment and loved ones, I want to manage it all to keep it all safe and manageable. In my early twenties I may have had long ranging plans and goals but I never knew what was going to happen day to day. Today I try to know everything that I have planned for the day, week, month and do all I can to remove unpredictable variables.
I had coffee with a friend today who I just happened to meet when I was his assistant at the college. He always makes me laugh, and usually makes me think. He giggled when I told him I thought I was a bit of a control freak (I was seriously hoping for him to say, “No, you aren’t a control freak at all. You just like to take care of the people you love”). He giggled as if it were obvious I was a control freak, that everybody knew it!
I am not sure that if I could live with abandon again I would want to. I miss believing that I would make a difference, do great things, etc.. but I like stability too much now to let it go. I wonder, is there a way to have both?
Comments (47)
Why couldn’t you have both? If anything, stability makes it easier for you to help others – and nothing is greater or makes more of a difference than that.
To accomplish great things and make a difference, you don’t have to be all reckless about it and abandon responsibilities. To accomplish great things, I think you need to be a planner anyway! You can use your strategy of being meticulous to make differences that make sense for your future, if only in just your own life.
It is funny because I did so much good in my 20s and I was so naive. I tried to help every single person in need. But I think as we get older we start to think of retirement and we want to retire comfortably.
@Doitean - Great point
. Of course, it does mean that I can’t abandon everything and do economic development and women’s empowerment in Africa, but I am sure I can come up with something closer to home.
@specialxplaces - Thanks, sweetie
Looking back,my adventure was meeting my wife, raising 3 great kids, being born again, are learning about wife in retirement. They did seem like enough at the time.
Frank
@TheTheologiansCafe - You are right, of courses. Retirement, grandkids, a sweet RV – OMG I am getting old!
@ANVRSADDAY - You are right, those things are an adventure, I simply didn’t know it at the time.
I used to think I would do great things and change the world also. Then I saw how much evil there is, and how many people are perfectly comfortable with lies and deceit, and how much the truth is resisted. Now I’ve decided the best I can do is make sure my children know the difference. After all, every great one had a mother.
@mtngirlsouth - “every great one had a mother. ” – That’s a wonderful thought!
I’m sure there must be a way to do both. give yourself a bit more of freedom or extemporaneous time every week. ?
@plantinthewindow - I could definitely try to add more spontaneity to my life, but my first thought when I read your comment was, “Where could I schedule that in?”. I may be hopeless!
@BoulderChristina - it’s odd to me that you are a control freak, because in between the lines of your posts, I see a love of adventure and fun and freedom. do you think something happened to cause you to become more controlling of things over the years?
Stop trying to save the world, just save a few lost souls and you will have done your good deed for your life.
You can definitely still help people. And there is always adventure to be had. Take a vacation.
Go on a house-building mission for a summer. There are all sorts of things you can do that don’t require giving up stability and security.
I miss the energy I had when I was young, but my efforts are much more effective now that I’m older. Sometimes it feels like you aren’t doing as much, but you’re just being more responsible with your efforts.
Oh, Dear One, there’s so much coming your way that you can’t even imagine it now. You’re on the cusp, and some part of you knows that what’s worked before has got you as far as it can and something else must take its place. And that’s okay, because that something else is far superior. Just go with it. Trust me. More importantly, trust
you
.
If there is any way at all, let me know! Back when I was in high school I dreamed of traveling & seeing Italy. Fast forward to today (5 years later) & the thought of living over seas fills me with fear. I’m terrified something will happen to a loved one while I’m living abroad. Plus I really want to go to culinary school. *shrug* I would like to be carefree like I used to, but I just don’t see that happening anymore.
@plantinthewindow - You are right, yes. I do like some adventure, but it usually is on my terms with me researching everything I can about it in advance. For example – I want to hike the AT, I have ever since I read Bryson’s
A Walk in the Woods.
I have spent years reading guidebooks about the trail, I moved to CO with the intent of getting into hiking shape, now I am planning smaller scale backpacking trips (like the CO Trail). I am starting to study botany and have taken a course in wilderness first aid. I have even sought out work that would allow me time off to do the trail YEARS IN ADVANCE. By the time I make it to Georgia to begin, I will have been working on this for 10 years. How’s that for spontaneous adventure?
@Shadowrunner81 - This is true, I seem to be a lost soul “safe haven” anyway
. Thanks, Dan.
@yourkbear - You are right, of course. There are things I can do to have both and keep life manageable, I think I may be going through some sort of mid life crisis or something!
@Outdoor_Furniture_Design - Great point, my efforts are usually more efficient now than they were. Maybe making a difference on a smaller scale can satisfy my need for sanity and my youthful longing to make an impact.
@HappierHeathen - I swear you are somehow my swami, and I am not sure how I feel about your comment. “what’s worked before has got you as far as it can and something else must take its place.” – this sentence both terrified and thrilled me!
@Mrs_FoodLover - That is just what I am talking about! On the other hand, if you really wanted to go to Culinary School, I can’t imagine a better place for it than Italy!
Lovely essay!! You learned early on what I never learned at all!!
@Stanelle - Good morning! Thanks, and a pleasure to meet you!
I wouldn’t think it would take much less than a control freak to save the world lol. One can’t save the world if they go about it willy-nilly! I certainly think one can have adventure while still planning it all out. Just plan time for variables, and you’re set. Best of both worlds! My family always have a great time on vacation, and I’m about as bad as Clark Griswold with my itinerary, everything’s gotta be planned out. But we still have fun, and set off sometimes into the unkown.
@grim_truth - You have no idea how much I agree with you! Plan time for variables? You are as much of a control freak as I am
i love this post i think already you are saving the world. It is in the seemingly little things that profoundly can habe an effect- treat each person you encounter with love, understanding and respect ( which you do), and you are lighting up your corner of the world. Meals for elderly neighbors/ the sick, laughter and love, hugs and comforting words,
encouragement for those hurting,
honesty and integrity. Everyinehas their own ways of blessing– & I already see
you shining.
I believe you can have both and having stability in your life only makes it easier to help others around you. I do it as much as I can also, helping those along the freeway, etc. Hubby don’t like it, but I keep telling him I wouldn’t stop for a scary person or on a dark deserted freeway. Not sure why he doesn’t feel better after I tell him that?
The BIGGEST Differences we make are in our own ‘backyard’…you’ve been helping the world everyday.
“Give us a place to stand, and a place to grow
And call this land…Ontarioooo
A place to stand, a place to grow…Ontari, ari, ari…ooooo!”
Centennial song from 1967 when Canada celebrated 100 years as a country. I was 8 and we had to learn this song and sing it all the time.
Title of your post brought it all back. Sorry.
@Kris0logy – thank you
I guess that you (and so many others) are right, small things add up. It just isn’t how I pictured it 
@Bricker59 – I think Archimedes would approve of that song! I bet you were cute when you were 8..
@olwd – haha, even I never pick up hitch hikers unless my dog is in the car!
@YouToMe – You always give me far more credit than I deserve, but it makes me feel so good! Thank you! Perhaps we find people we can see ourselves in? Love and hugs to you, hope to catch up and find out all about your move
@BoulderChristina - I was never cute, just dashingly handsome.! LOLOL
@BoulderChristina - I don’t normally pick them up, just make sure they are able to call for help. If a lady then sure, feel safer with a lady than a strange man.
@olwd – You show me a man that isn’t strange and I will show you a ball my dog won’t chase!
My husband.
@olwd – ok, you called my bluff. I will start looking for an unchaseable ball
@BoulderChristina - hehehehe, you did know I was married, didn’t you?
@olwd - Well, I am blonde, but I assumed when you mentioned him earlier
. I am married too, and he is VERY strange!
I’ve always feared that I’d wind up choosing stability over my dreams. So, last week I quit my job and next week, after I receive my last check, I’m uprooting my entire life.
@angelwingfive - Wow, that is courage! Good for you sweetie, please keep me posted! (I really want to hear a happy story about this, so I don’t lose hope!)
I have learned I cannot control everything in my life. Some things are simply not mine to do so. When I was younger, I was a HUGE control freak. Everything was planned out. What stress that was.
These days, I am much more relaxed and the need to control is pretty much gone. I take life and what it offers one day at a time and try to not think about tomorrow.
If I really think about it, that all came about in the last two years because of my forced retirement, broken relationship and 3 moves last year, before settling where I am now.
Perhaps both in moderation are possible. Then again, relaxation seems to be the name of the game these days. **smile…
@BoulderChristina - hehehe, well then, I guess you are correct in thinking what you thought. hehe
I was blonde my entire childhood and am now getting darker roots but I keep dying my hair blonde coz it just suits me. I don’t want to be brunette. awwwww