Month: February 2013

  • Cranky

    There’s so much going on right now, and I am keeping a decent attitude for the most part, but tonight – tonight I am cranky.

     

     

    Nothing is working the way it should – not software, not my salsa dish, not my favorite socks that came out of the dryer with a HOLE in them!!!!! 

     

    It’s cold outside. My dog is making me crazy with too much energy and too much fiber in his diet. My husband.. Well ok, I guess he isn’t doing anything wrong but he isn’t CRANKY. I am. I want to share.

     

    So, Happy Tuesday Xanga. I hope you are all as cranky as I am! (I have to share somewhere, don’t I?)

  • Alternative Marriage

    The most common questions I get from people are about my marriage. I have posted about it several times before and most who follow me know I have an open style relationship with my husband. If our style of marriage needed a label, the label would be swingers. 

    I never realized this would be what I was most known for, but I don’t really mind. Swinging is a very small part of our life and marriage, yet I credit this experience as the reason we had to work so hard on our communication and clarification of our mutually shared values. If we never had playmates again, I would never regret our experiences. It has helped us become the couple we are. 

    In the interest of clarity with my messages about open marriages and swinging, I figured I would write a quick post about what swinging is not. I realize most people assume it is a hedonistic, selfish, lustful lifestyle very close to being a heroin addict looking for their next fix. Though that may be what some relationships move into swinging for, it is not what moved us. I am speaking only for Corey and myself, not for all swingers.

    What it is not:

    1. Selfish – The most common misunderstanding about being a swinger is that people believe this is a self indulgent sexual fantasy fulfillment avenue. As stated earlier, I am only speaking from my own experiences, but we have found this is not the case. It does serve to experiment and fulfill fantasies, yes. However, your fantasies are not all that matters. You must consider your spouse and what they want from the experience as well as the other person (or people) and what they want. If you think a relationship with two people is a lot of compromise, please realize that each additional person adds to the formula exponentially. This is never all about you.

    2. A relationship supplement – If your house is not in order, throwing other people in the mix with tear your house down. Swinging is not a way to get a little extra sex because your partner doesn’t share the drive you do. This is also not a way to make your partner “appreciate you more” or realize how lucky they are. That attitude is a sure fire way to hit divorce court, or wish you could.

    3. Self Esteem supplement – If you feel you need attention you aren’t getting from your relationship to feel good about yourself, this is not the way to go. You will get attention, yes. Just like in any new relationship though, if you are needing somebody else to make you feel better about yourself, you are setting yourself and the other person up for failure.

    4. Easy – There is nothing easy about swinging. The work it takes between you and your partner to develop the trust and communication to add more people into your relationship is more work than many people ever invest in their marriage. Keeping other people’s feelings, values and needs in mind in addition to you and your partner’s feelings is a very delicate juggling act. Knowing when and how to draw boundaries while also ensuring you are being completely forthright and empathetic with your other relationships is emotionally very taxing. Remember, the people you bring into your life are not random, anonymous sex toys. They are real people with real feelings and deserve your respect, honesty and affection. If you use people for your own needs in any environment, people get hurt. When you add sex in to the equation, it is more likely to do damage. 

    This may sound like I am discouraging people from opening their marriage and exploring alternative lifestyles. I assure you this is not the case. I just realize there are so many ideas about swinging that simply aren’t true, and I know how devastating this can be for people who are not fully aware of what they are getting into. 

    Many marriages have a threesome just once, like a bucket list item. That’s commendable and I encourage every single person to explore what they like and don’t. Life is too short to wonder, “what if”. But if you are considering truly opening your marriage up and adding other people into your relationships, please do your homework. You will be surprised at what you find. The things you expect to be hard aren’t so hard, and the things you never thought to consider jump up and bite you in the ass.

     ”I don’t, for the record, have a Tweety Bird fetish.”

     

  • Xanga Oscar Nominations

     

    Everybody is talking about the Oscars. I don’t really watch the Oscars and am always behind on pop culture. Xanga is my entertainment time, so I decided to make my own.

    Please take a moment to write a post about who you would nominate for an Oscar, and why. Here is my brief list.

    @plantinthewindow – Best photography 

    @ZSA_MD – Poetry and gardening

    @slmret – Photography and community spirit

    @RighteousBruin – Best hiking/nature pics and journals

    @Vexations – Most passionate and earliest riser

    @godfatherofgreenbay – Consistently hilarious

    @xplorrn – Best Music choice (tied with @leaflesstree, but she doesn’t post as often)

    @We_deny_everything – Best satirical current events

    @angys_coco- Consistently compassionate

    @kellsbella – Most animated

    @grannys_place – Most selfless

    @promisesunshine – Most versatile (seriously, she can do anything.)

    @MzSilver – Tougher than nails

    @bonmots – Sassy award

    @humor_me_now – Best titles

    @TheSutraDude – Very educated political blogger (probably most, but I am not sure so I can’t say that)

    @TheTheologiansCafe – Most entertaining topics and commentors

    @Heckles – Most personally entertaining

    @HappierHeathen- Most subtlety hilarious

    @EmilyandAtticus – Most supportive (and very entertaining)

    @ccrider – Kindest

    Ok, this was a super quick list, and I could write something about all of my friends (and eventually I will), but not today. I follow every one of you for a reason, so obviously I think you are all fantastic.

    The only rule if you decide to participate in your own Oscars is this: You cannot nominate the person who nominated you. 

  • It’s all about me

    I wanted to wait to come on Xanga until I had time to catch up with all my friends, come up with something to write about, etc. I think if I wait that long you will have forgotten me, and I certainly don’t want you to forget me.

    Here is what has been keeping me away from Xangaville. 

    1. My company sold and job is ending. At first I was in a panic, I started writing my resume and sending it out all willy-nilly. Then I realized I don’t think I want to go back to 9 to 5, so I am moving into freelance writing and editing. I am going to do some grant writing, ghost writing, and focusing on building my life around writing, which is what I love anyway.

    2. My dear Corey has been keeping me very busy. He is starting his new speaking gig and launching games at the same time, which really means we are writing his training manuals, lesson plans, and blogging for his site. His first game wasn’t funded, but it was published. His second game launched yesterday and is already funded nearly 4 times his goal, and I expect that will go to manufacturing as well.

    3. Cassie (my daughter) is nearly due. Her baby shower is this Saturday and her due date is St. Patty’s day, so we are rushing about getting ready for the new grandbaby.

    My apologies for neglecting you – you are some of my favorite people and it gets frustrating to be so distracted. I can see that my world is changing again, so I am sure you will be seeing me around more. It could be on your street corner holding up a “Will write for food” sign. Or maybe even, “Will right for food”.

    Wish me luck, and I will be seeing you around much more in the near future!

     

  • The Monarch Project

    Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.

    Conspiracy theorists have long discussed military operated mind control programs that sprang forth in the US after WWII with German Nazis as the leaders in research and development.  Prior to this, as early as 1882, the “Anglo Alliance” was formed with Great Britain and Germany as the centers of the mind control developers. With a mutual desire to create the most Utopian human race, early stages of mind control experiments include medical and psychiatric techniques at the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute in Germany.

    In 1921, studies began to discover the “breaking point” of the human psyche . German scientists branched out into the fringes of their professions studying parapsychology, neuropsychology and multi-generational occultism. Experiments on adoptive and Jewish children to test the effects of electro-shock, hallucinogenic drugs (LSD, mescaline) and hypnosis provided ample feedback for the types of data needed for their research. Sadly, many kids did not survive this brutality, but the ones who did were immeasurably valuable as test subjects.

    In 1946, the Central Intelligence Group was formed, later to be called the CIA. In 1947, mind control experiments began . Project CHATTER was developed in response to the Soviet’s successes through the use of “truth drugs.” The project was officially terminated in 1953. Through many projects started and terminated in the next few years, the primary fringe science for military operation was called MKULTRA – for Mind Kontrolle Ultra. From this, the Monarch Project was born.

    Here is some particularly colorful information I found about the Monarch Project:

    “Dr. Joseph Mengele of Auschwitz notoriety was the principle developer of the trauma-based Monarch Project and the CIA’s MK Ultra mind control programs. Mengele and approximately 5, 000 other high ranking Nazis were secretly moved into the United States and South America in the aftermath of World War II in an Operation designated Paperclip. The Nazis continued their work in developing mind control and rocketry technologies in secret underground celebrities like Warner Von Braun. The killers, torturers, and mutilators of innocent human beings were kept discretely out of sight, but busy in U.S. underground military facilities which gradually became home to thousands upon thousands of  kidnapped American children snatched off the streets (about one million  military bases. The only thing we were told about was the rocketry work with former Nazi star per year) and placed into iron bar cages stacked from floor to ceiling as part of the ‘training’. These children would be used to further refine and perfect Mengele’s mind control technologies. Certain selected children (at least the ones who survived the ‘training’) would become future mind controlled slaves who could be used for thousands of different jobs ranging anywhere from sexual slavery to assassinations. A substantial portion of these children, who were considered expendable, were intentionally slaughtered in front of (and by) the other children in order to traumatize the selected trainee into total compliance and submission.”

    More information I found regarding Mengelee:

    A promising academic physical anthropologist until his military career intervened. Wounded in action, mustered out, but promoted to SS Captain. Physical anthropology was one of the areas in which pseudoscience got its biggest foothold in the intellectual life of the Third Reich, primarily through SS Heinrich Luitpold Himmler’s interest in the subject.

    • In the SS, he was allowed to continue his anthropological research at the Auschwitz extermination camp.
    • Three preoccupations:
      • Physical abnormalities
      • Alteration of racial features, especially eye color.
      • Use of identical twins as controls.
    • A handsome spit-and-polish man, but pathologically indifferent to human suffering. His subjects were automatically slated for death (although in some cases, their utility as experimantal subjects postponed the fatal moment until they could be rescued.)
    • Mengele uncomfortably straddles the boundary of real and pseudoscience. On one hand, he had some concept of proper methodology and made real observations, but his ultimate goals (E.G. racial “improvement”) were in the realm of the purely subjective.
    • Escaped the fall of the Third Reich and died in hiding in South America during the 1970s.

    The author above next goes into great detail about the 250,000 people currently in captivity undergoing training along with some very high profile people and events that were also victims of these technologies. Military and media were obviously included.

    I am going to follow this up with a Post #2 to discuss mind control techniques, theories, and even report on some of the people I have been “following” that are self-proclaimed refugees from some of these camps. There was simply too much to post on a single post and ask anybody to read it.

    My question to you – CIA and military sponsored mind control- Yea or Nay?

    The only site I can offer credit to is this http://www.geol.umd.edu/~jmerck/eltsite/lectures/madscience.html – The other reference sites wish to remain hidden! 

  • I Need Xanga Help

    Most of you know I am also blogging on WordPress for my husband’s business. It’s new and I don’t have a ton of followers yet. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but today I posted about the school girls’ project (the book they are writing for Amber) and the girls are watching it very closely. 

    If you guys have a minute, will you stop by and write encouraging words for the girls who are writing this book? I don’t feel comfortable having them watch my Xanga page, but I want them to know that people are paying attention to their project. 

    Yes, I know this is a shameless plea for help on the other site. I promise to only whine for help sparingly. happy

    Here is the address:

    http://scribelifescrolls.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/from-the-hearts-of-babes/

    I appreciate your help!

  • The Life of a Poet – ZSA_MD

    On my bookshelf rests one of my favorite books, Stray Thoughts, Winged Words by Zakiah Sayeed. When I ordered this book, I was going through a rough patch in my life. Reading the words inside gave me the lift I needed – a giggle here, an insight there, a moment of pause and escape from my own world. This deeply personal collection of poems and stories seemed to be written for me specifically, and they came at a time I needed them. 

    In her words:

    “I cannot honestly say that I am the best person to write this book. Who knows, there could have been someone better to do this. But given my family history, my country of origin and the way I think in a different language, makes me believe that I am the only one who could feel the way I feel about different things. Some thoughts and feelings are probably borrowed from childhood, or heard from the older people at home, or my educational experience in itself, that have helped me along in the writing of this book.”

    Zakiah Sayeed is a remarkable woman in every sense. She is a physician from India who had to overcome many barriers to come into the States to practice. Zakiah is a Muslim woman, with beautiful brown skin and an other worldly accent who had to prove herself superior in every step of the ladder. Her academic scores allowed her to attend a American Mission College and Hospital, whose enrollment was 90-95 percent Christian, graduated with honors, and began practicing in the States in the seventies. Medical school was simply the first place she felt like an outsider – practicing medicine in America during this time was not a welcoming environment for an Indian Muslim woman, especially when fewer than eight percent of the medical doctors were women. 

    Despite her environment, Zakiah remained the graceful woman I know today. She grew up full of trust in a world of innocence and maintained her untainted love for life and humanity despite the prejudice she faced. It may have been this very environment that propelled her to become an author. Zakiah spent time doodling, writing and creating in her spare moments in her office, sleepless nights between physician calls, and any time in between. She wrote on napkins or scraps of paper. Though the words that flew from her fingers often surprised even her, she didn’t dream of capturing them into a book.

    Zakiah was always a mother first, a physician second. She has the grace and gentle manner to make everyone feel welcome and adored. In her own words, she said: 

    “I always wanted to be a physician. But I didn’t want to be only a physician. I wanted people to see me as a woman who could feel the earth and listen to her songs of not just today, but the songs of other times in another part of the world.” 

    Writing was not only her passion, it was part of her being. Writing is essential to who she is. 

    Zakiah stumbled upon blogging and gained a large audience who urged her to collect her writings into a book. Digging through a folder she kept at her desk, she sorted through decades of work; some in Hindi, some in Urdu, some in English. She collected the pieces that spoke to her and consulted her attorney about publishing.

    Zakiah told me that writing the book was the easy part, publishing was much more difficult. Initially, she dismissed the idea of self publishing. After rejection letters and unreturned phone calls from multiple agents, she refused to give up. Knowing there was already a very large fan base of people who wanted her work in their hands, she consulted an author who self published his own book. Thus, Stray Thoughts/Winged Words came into print. 

    I asked her advice, what she would recommend to authors that have a book waiting to be published or waiting to be written? Her response was very humble.

    “Far be it for me to give advice to anyone. I have seen some brilliant pieces of work on Xanga by very polished and sophisticated writers. In my humble opinion, I would tell them what I did personally and follow your heart. I think it just clicks, when something really good comes along and you know that that is a good feeling.”

    1. Do your homework. She spent many months researching different publishing options, reaching out to other authors for advice. 

    2. Share your work with others for different sources of evaluation. The feedback she received on her pieces is what helped her determine which to use and which to leave out.

    3. Maintain a blog or social media connection that can support you and help you with exposure.

    4. Never give up. Don’t let the frustrations, the rejections and the discouragement keep your book from coming to life. 

    5. Most importantly, follow your heart. Follow your passion. Trust in yourself. 

    Here is a link where you can purchase this book. This is a book you will read more than once, and will give you many hours of pleasure. It has been a great joy to me.

    My Eyes

    Please don’t listen to my eyes

    They tell unbridled stories

    Just feel the language of my heart

    It will hold you in its chambers

    No questions asked.

    You can find Zakiah’s blog where she is very active  here. If you would like to email her with questions, you can reach her at alabeti@gmail.com

    Everybody has the ability to create something remarkable. Whether it is a book of poems gathered over a lifetime, a new invention, a music recording, we have something to offer the world. Zakiah’s story helped me realize that persistence, refusing to give up, and keeping your heart open may be the real keys to success. 

    The book preface, which should have been included:

    Life is an individual journey—taken collectively.

    Human beings share the journey of life, making connections, coming together and breaking apart in peaceful quiet or crashing explosions. Experiences are shared, but perception, understanding, and conclusion are affected in the innermost spaces of our beings. The baring of these personal truths, the sharing of our encounters and the nature of our viewpoint, however, is what creates a sense of community and shared experience that fulfills us in ways we cannot replicate alone. It is the paradox of being human: our aloneness and togetherness at once integral to whom we are.

    For author Zakiah Sayeed, baring her soul to the world, releasing these intensely personal thoughts and feelings, is a freeing experience. Within these pages are solace and inspiration, happiness and sorrow, and a warm feeling of connection and shared understanding. Free verse poetry and flash fiction, it relies on stream of consciousness and ethereal connection cascading into awareness rather than preconceived rhythm and rhyme, her words true to the cadences of being, each a pulse—a reflection—that when viewed in their whole portrays a stunning breadth of emotion with resonance and beauty. Combined with prose and artfully crafted letters that provide insight into her life, her children, and her grandchildren, her fearless honesty displays for all to see the truth of her being.

    Teaching that a doctor can treat us with a clinical, scientific mindset in one moment and share a passionate tenderness the next, Zakiah Sayeed weaves past and present with fiction and reality as she welcomes you into a vast expanse of raw beauty wherein the joy and ecstasy of life mingle with the pain and sadness, creating a moving portrait of the human experience. As sweeping in its emotional journey as it is intimate and affecting in its pointed observations, Stray Thoughts/Winged Words is a powerful meditation on life, full of quiet intensity and spreading calm.